Good Day to You All, It has been a constant struggle to combat the number of daily rituals I must do to find some relief due to OCD. You know that everything is ok for example “Checking to s…
Source: A Glimpse at My OCD Experience
Here I go again, bearing my soul to the world in regard to my experience of living with a mental illness. (My readers: “Well that’s because your nuts!”) But seriously; this is not my favorite thing to do. It makes me extremely self-conscious. I wonder what people will think of me; if they’ll treat me differently after they know these things about me. But the risk is worth it to me if, in my doing so, other’s who share my affliction might some gain hope and encouragement. So here goes:
My kids are all grown. I gave birth to them back in the late seventies and early eighties. Back in those days, natural/medication free childbirth was highly touted as being the safest and healthiest thing you could do for your unborn child. Therefore, I, like so many others in my day, attended Lamaze classes where we learned about using breathing/relaxation…
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Good Day to You All,
It is a Beautiful Day out Today in the Northeast. Almost 70 Degrees. Wow! I can only experience this from in Doors. I want to go out and enjoy the day however I can’t. To others who are not Disabled by Mental Illness, this task is very simple. Open the front door and go out. Easy enough. For individuals who suffer from Mental Illness this task can be almost impossible. One of my Illnesses is Agoraphobia. I do not feel safe out. I experience severe anxiety to a point where I would have a Panic Attack. Multiple Ones. This is Depilating which keeps me from leaving my home. This is Horrible. I’m just afraid.
I forced myself to sit and write this post to you all. Even though writing this post will take several hours to complete due to my OCD. I have to check and recheck to insure that I did not offend anyone in my writing. Again this is Horrible. Despite the various obstacles that I have to fight off, I do everything in my power to write. Even if it only brings a smile that may only last for a short time, I experience a feeling a sense of self accomplishment. This means the world to me.
I am a Father of 3 Beautiful Boys and a Husband to a beautiful wife. We are struggling to put food on the table and make ends meet. These obstacles just adds to my anxiety. I struggle daily to keep thinking positive but it is a fight. Intrusive thoughts constantly invade my mind.
I am clinging on to Hope…
I constantly remind myself: “Suicide it a Permeant Solution to a Temporally Problem”…
God Bless you All!!!
Good Day to You All,
This month has been long for me so far. I have been trapped in my home until this weekend. I finally found the strength to get out of bed and deal with the world. The extra push came from my new Doctor. For the first time in a long while, I have hope that this world has a place for me. This Doctor truly wants to help. I need his help. I don’t want to be in pain mentally. Positive thoughts rather then negative. I guess it is baby steps.
I am going to try and blog a bit more. Writing does help. I appreciate all of the comments I have received. I am not alone.
Good Day to You All,
My brain just hurts today. I really think that I am losing my mind. I could not go to work today. Physical and Mental Pain. Just too much stuff going on. Trying to keep it all together and take it one day at a time. I am finally realizing that my illness may take my life. As horrible as that sounds, I started reaching out for help. Meds alone is not going to correct this. I try daily to be strong and handle day to day issues. I’m just having a rough time with just the simplest of tasks which has lead me to question my own sanity.
I have spent the day today crying. Just wanted to let everything out. Called my wife because I really needed to hear her voice and no matter what, I know that I have her support.
Panic Attacks just rips you apart especially when you have multiple ones every day. I can’t wait to see my phycologist next week. I only have 2 things I am truly looking forward to next week. My son is graduating and my Doctors Appointment.
I had no choice but to apply for VA Benefits recently. I am also going to apply for disability benefits. My quality of work has suffered greatly. This illness is starting to show its ugly side and I cannot control. I cannot leave the house. I’m just afraid. Strangely as that sounds, its true. I am afraid of being judged and mocked. I am afraid of what people as saying about me. I’m afraid of having to hide in the bathroom while at work when having multiple panic attacks. I’m just afraid of myself.
Please understand that writing this is in a way helping me. I can just type away what I am feeling. It helps to know that I am not alone. This illness is not just my problem. This same illness has taken its toll on a lot of us. I want to be at peace. I hope I can find the path that leads to peace. Depression hurts. It really hurts…
There is not beginning or end to this post. I just wanted to write. I don’t know if it makes sense. I don’t know if I actually wrote something that a reader could understand. I just write….