Good Day to You All, It has been a constant struggle to combat the number of daily rituals I must do to find some relief due to OCD. You know that everything is ok for example “Checking to s…
Good Day to You All,
It is a Beautiful Day out Today in the Northeast. Almost 70 Degrees. Wow! I can only experience this from in Doors. I want to go out and enjoy the day however I can’t. To others who are not Disabled by Mental Illness, this task is very simple. Open the front door and go out. Easy enough. For individuals who suffer from Mental Illness this task can be almost impossible. One of my Illnesses is Agoraphobia. I do not feel safe out. I experience severe anxiety to a point where I would have a Panic Attack. Multiple Ones. This is Depilating which keeps me from leaving my home. This is Horrible. I’m just afraid.
I forced myself to sit and write this post to you all. Even though writing this post will take several hours to complete due to my OCD. I have to check and recheck to insure that I did not offend anyone in my writing. Again this is Horrible. Despite the various obstacles that I have to fight off, I do everything in my power to write. Even if it only brings a smile that may only last for a short time, I experience a feeling a sense of self accomplishment. This means the world to me.
I am a Father of 3 Beautiful Boys and a Husband to a beautiful wife. We are struggling to put food on the table and make ends meet. These obstacles just adds to my anxiety. I struggle daily to keep thinking positive but it is a fight. Intrusive thoughts constantly invade my mind.
I am clinging on to Hope…
I constantly remind myself: “Suicide it a Permeant Solution to a Temporally Problem”…
God Bless you All!!!
Good Day to You All,
This month has been long for me so far. I have been trapped in my home until this weekend. I finally found the strength to get out of bed and deal with the world. The extra push came from my new Doctor. For the first time in a long while, I have hope that this world has a place for me. This Doctor truly wants to help. I need his help. I don’t want to be in pain mentally. Positive thoughts rather then negative. I guess it is baby steps.
I am going to try and blog a bit more. Writing does help. I appreciate all of the comments I have received. I am not alone.
Good Day to You All,
Keeping up with a blog is not as easy as it sounds. Others are better then most if that makes any sense. I wish that I can write about picture perfect daily events or moments that has brought me great joy. I question my sanity at times. How much longer can a person go while feeling blue. Medication helps but is not a cure. 20 years of pain is horrible for anyone to comprehend. Writing is not my thing. I force myself to write because it helps me deal with the pain. It helps to know that I am not the only human on the planet who is going through this. I know that I am not alone. Writing and sharing just helps.
Depression Hurts. Mentally and Physically!
Trying to get threw the day. Trying to fall asleep to take away the pain. No Luck. My son is here with me sick. He is 4 and does not understand how his sickness is different from mine. He is helping me get threw today.
How are you all doing today? Well here I’m the northeast, it’s been raining. The temperature has improved a bit. This winter has caused a lot of heart ache for us.
Anyway, I’m slowly being to feel better. Yesterday I had to opportunity to perform an intervention on one of my family members. This is shocking to me because I am always in need of one. I reached out to a young man who is finding life so difficult to live in. He is only 15 years old and wants to just end his life. What can be so bad that he would what to do this? He is very smart, does extremely well in school. So well that he was given the option to graduate HS one year earlier. I believe that I have done the best that I can in providing guidance to him. I used myself as an example. I was very honest. We will take it one day at a time.
As for me, the pain continues. I have been taken my medication as prescribed daily. I just feel that they have stopped working.
Depression Hurts. It really Hurts!
I can’t sleep. Too much stuff happening right now. My head hurts…