Beautiful Day Out!! – Scattered Thunder Storms in My Mind!!

Good Day to You All,

It is a Beautiful Day out Today in the Northeast.  Almost 70 Degrees.  Wow!  I can only experience this from in Doors.  I want to go out and enjoy the day however I can’t.  To others who are not Disabled by Mental Illness, this task is very simple.  Open the front door and go out.  Easy enough.  For individuals who suffer from Mental Illness this task can be almost impossible.  One of my Illnesses is Agoraphobia.  I do not feel safe out.  I experience severe anxiety to a point where I would have a Panic Attack.  Multiple Ones.  This is Depilating which keeps me from leaving my home.  This is Horrible.  I’m just afraid.

I forced myself to sit and write this post to you all.  Even though writing this post will take several hours to complete due to my OCD.  I have to check and recheck to insure that I did not offend anyone in my writing.  Again this is Horrible.  Despite the various obstacles that I have to fight off, I do everything in my power to write.  Even if it only brings a smile that may only last for a short time, I experience a feeling a sense of self accomplishment.  This means the world to me.

I am a Father of 3 Beautiful Boys and a Husband to a beautiful wife.  We are struggling to put food on the table and make ends meet.  These obstacles just adds to my anxiety.  I struggle daily to keep thinking positive but it is a fight.  Intrusive thoughts constantly invade my mind.

I am clinging on to Hope…

I constantly remind myself:  “Suicide it a Permeant Solution to a Temporally Problem”…

God Bless you All!!!

http://wp.me/p71VRL-J

 

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